Couple of more theories I have on this children’s tv show.

Firstly, the fact that other than the main set of characters - why is there no other person visible during the various call outs? Why is there no other local emergency service (i.e. the police) present at said call outs? More telling is the fact that the streets are empty of anyone other than the main set of characters - characters that do not appear to ever change their clothes. In fact, even when he’s off duty, Fireman Sam is in his uniform.

There is one footnote in conversation between Sam and Elvis where they talk about putting out a fire on a barn that might have lead to plenty of danger had it got out of hand. The suggestion here is that this involved other characters who live in the town, that we do not get to meet on screen. It’s referred too. We don’t actually witness the barn fire. I’m inclined to believe the reason we don’t see it is because it didn’t actually happen. The only time we’ve seen other characters is in the Fireman Sam film ‘The Great Fire of Pontypandy’. Although this is hardly evidence of a mass community living in and around the town, considering that during the episode of ‘The Flood’ - there was once more nobody about other than the main characters. No other emergency services or town folk.

I can’t yet prove it, but I wonder if the town of Pontypandy is similar to Michael Crichton’s Westworld and that the very few who appear to live there and lead active lives that all result with stating ‘I’m going to call Fireman Sam’ are nothing more than robots that simply play out set-pieced mishaps and rescues week-in week-out. Although what purpose this would serve is something I’ve yet to wrap my head around.

Another observation is in defence of Norman Price. He has clearly shown signs of breaking the fourth wall by staring directly at the camera and suggesting to the viewer he is about to get up to no good. This is a rather interesting development that deserves further study.

It’s the 2nd of Jan. And Tescos has already stuck on their shelves Creme Eggs and Easter Bunny chocolates.

It’s what Jesus would have wanted.

I’m revisiting this again because it irks me.

Fireman Sam. The issues I have with this.

1) The incompetent station officer Steele. It’s like asking Norman Wisdom to look after a nuclear device.

2) There is no night shift. It’s the same three (Sam, Elvis and Penny) working all the time. Without complaint. Which can only suggests the usage of illegal substances to retain alertness at all times. Can’t prove it just yet but they must be wearing coloured contact lenses to mask their dilated pupils.

3) Auxiliary Fireman Trevor Evans. No longer auxiliary. Just the bus driver now. Racist.

4) We’ve touched upon this before, but worth re-stating. Norman Price, responsible for 95% of all call-outs and fire related incidents. ASBO him up and save tax payers money.

In conclusion: Fireman Sam is a massive misinterpretation and thus a poor influence on the children that watch it with the underlying message that you can get away with causing grief time and time again because all people do is cover it all up and sweep it under the carper with a few belly laughs.

Okay, so I bought a new pair, really fancied these. Classy and such things. Nice fit. Look good. However, they have one massive flaw.

They squeak.

If anyone has seen the original version of The Nutty Professor with Jerry Lewis, you’ll appreciate what I mean by squeak. I’ve had them for five days and the squeaking has not subsided. Picture this. I’m in the office working towards the kettle to make myself an English cup of tea and there’s a good looking colleague walking towards me, it’s hardly fitting of sexual chemistry if my moody nod and wink is ruined by this incessant noise coming from my feet.

Sorry, but this is inexcusable. My feet were made for walking, not talking. And to add insult to injury, these trainers are endorsed by Franz Beckenbauer. That’s Franz ‘Der Kaiser’ Beckenbauer. Elegant and dominant on the field of play, he’s practically the inventor of the libero, God damn it. A giant amongst men. So why exactly do his trainers squeak like a mouse having a cardiac arrest because its gorged on too much cheese?

German efficiency? You’re having a laugh.

I currently have to endure plenty of children’s tv. Parts of my brain constantly shut down. It’s a process I have to work through. With regards to Fireman Sam, if they want to cut down on the amount of fire related incidents and call outs by 95%, get rid of the ginger kid in it (Norman Price). Honestly don’t see how every incident is laughed on at the end before the credits. ASBO the git up and march him off to a young offenders institution. Result = Tax payers money not wasted.

Next up. Strawberry Shortcake and friends. Lesbians?

Earlier today my Sky+ functionality died. I called Sky and there was an automated message telling me to call back later because they couldn’t take my call due to the excessive demand for the fight.

LOL.

Apparently heard on BBC radio:

“I could have taken him out earlier but I knew I had until the 3rd round.  Err, I mean I had given myself 3 rounds”

Then heard on Sky:

“I put a lot of money on the 3rd round, a lot of my family and friends did so I didn’t wanna let them down by doing him too early”

Hmm.

Spoke to someone earlier today who mentioned he travelled out to Milan for the Inter v Spurs 4-3 game.

He was in amongst a pocket of Spurs fans in the home section (rather than with the majority up in the Gods) and witnessed plenty of fighting including one moment of madness which saw a young lad get hit over the back of the head/neck whilst facing away (he was watching the football believe it or not) from his aggressor who lashed out and smacked him (with an object, wasn’t sure what, but definitely not a scooter). The lad, for his troubles, got kicked out of the Stadio Giuseppe Meazza and was fined 300 Euros. Top policing that. English hooligan dealt with swiftly what with the lad being guilty of looking in the opposite direction when someone decided to hit him. The audacity, hey?

Another comical moment (happened when we went 4-0 down, which was also comical, with plenty of abuse exchanged between both sets of fans) saw one Spurs fan turn to the Inter supporters with a quintessential ‘COME ON THEN’ scream including accompanying hand gestures. Because if there’s one place you want to give it the hard man it’s in the home stand sitting amongst a small group of Spurs fans surrounded by several thousand Inter fans. Bookies would not have taken any bets on that particular shindig. It’s like football fans who wait until the train carriage doors shut and the train begins to move before they single you out as they stand on the platform abusing you through the window with plenty of ‘What you looking at?’. The train, it’s moving numb nuts. Nice protection you’ve got yourself there what with the motion of the train and you standing on the platform. Bit late for any type of reaction.

Not so much norty, just daft.

First up we had Mary murdering her song and then Simon telling her he thought she sang it well. That’s akin to the gaffer telling Jenas ‘you’ve got potential’ every time he pulls on a Spurs shirt.

Katie then had a break down and muttered ‘sod it’ which was unintentional genius television, what with the judges managing to ignore talking about the fact she forgot her words and melted on stage which would usually result with an elimination considering the age old ‘We’re going to judge you on the performance you give in the sing-off’ soundbite.

But no matter, because she has to stay in the competition because of the tabloid coverage she gets in-between shows. Another week is better than nothing. What with only three acts capable of winning this, the rest are there to drive up publicity. So obviously boring TreyC had to go. Controversial Katie stays. Which the producers outlined pre-show. In red ink probably, so the judges didn’t fail to miss it on their notepads.

Louis needs a new script-writer (“You remind me of a <insert female or male singer here>” and repeat five times per show). Although loved his Lenny Henry comment, the daft racist.

Biggest non-shocker of the night was CC refusing to vote against one of her acts. Yet another massive weapon in Simon’s arsenal of publicity and hype.

Talking of massive weapons. Wagner. Someone please bury him in the desert.